so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
What did we do last night that was yellow?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
