Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Everything about him screamed your future.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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