I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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