During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
