I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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