he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
