dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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