CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
