he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
