Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
