I hate all girls vehemently.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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