you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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