Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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