Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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