i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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