hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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