I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
