Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
