All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
