How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
