There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Drunk is not a location!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
