I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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