I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
did i just pee glitter
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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