I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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