$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
