Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
