dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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