it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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