he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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