1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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