someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
