some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
