this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
