$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
worst night to have a conscience
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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