I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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