Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
