Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
