just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
