you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
