My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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