i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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