No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
