My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
