We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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