i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We need to rekindle our bromance
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
