you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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