Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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