I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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