My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
