this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
