Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I want a musical about memes.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
