i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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