Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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