I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
